Take a moment…

Take a moment from your healthy lives just for a minute and imagine this…you’re living and loving your life. You are perfectly healthy, happy, pursuing life and dreams, when one day, you pass out and wake up feeling like you have a flu, a hangover, intense pressure in your head, and a migraine. You can’t see, you can’t think, you can barely walk and now you have to go home and rest because there’s no way you can go about your day feeling this way. Now imagine, this awful, sick feeling won’t go away. It just gets worse, for years you feel like this, going to Dr after Dr. Feeling hopeless, defeated, sad, longing to go back to that day when you felt good, but now you don’t remember what that’s like. Imagine having to put all the dreams you worked so hard for, all the plans you had, on hold for who knows how long. You get older, everyone around is moving forward, but you can’t because you’re trapped in a body that is failing you with Drs who are only guessing and giving you meds to mask the symptoms which only make you worse. You try treatment after treatment based on nothing, only to feel your body deteriorating more; Developing more symptoms. You start to feel like you can’t breathe; like you’re suffocating every day, the fatigue you feel is 10x worse than that time you stayed awake for two days straight, and now your muscles are starting to fade away. To top it off, your voice, the one thing you held most dear, is too tired and weak to speak, let alone belt out a song, so all you can do is pray for the day you feel well enough to build it back up. You can’t drive now. You depend on others for EVERYTHING. Your independence is gone. You need a wheel chair just to get from the car to a building 30 ft away. After 3 years, you get a proper diagnosis, but you don’t know what to do to get better. You don’t know how or why your body is turning against you. And for another three years you’re still getting no where. Still getting worse. Still scared for your life. Still going crazy wondering when and if this nightmare will end and you’ll be able to be that energetic, healthy, capable person again. You can’t leave your house. You can’t work. You can’t go out with friends. You can’t see your family when you want to. Travel isn’t possible anymore. Just talking on the phone or to your loved ones at home is an exhausting task. You can’t shower without feeling like you ran a marathon and eventually you can’t even wash or brush your own hair. You start having strokes and seizures. You pass out just walking from your bed to the bathroom. You can’t go out in the outside world because anytime you try, your body can’t handle it, you’re so disoriented, in so much pain, can’t focus, you’re completely disconnected and not quite sure where you are all the while you look okay on the outside (because you used what little strength you had to look half way human), so no one has the slightest clue what is happening on the inside unless they know you and are with you every day. The people that aren’t around you everyday haven’t the faintest idea that what they are actually looking at isn’t this beautiful, vibrant woman, but the walking dead. You try your best not to cry because you’re so overwhelmed. You feel sadness and guilt because you want to be there, but you have to just go home and lie in a dark room…and you feel this way for years. Not a few days or a few weeks like that cold you had last month…YEARS. Meanwhile, people doubt you, question you, make you feel guilty or crazy or lazy or call you a hypochondriac. You feel sadness, anger and frustration. You feel misunderstood. You feel forgotten. But, you also feel overwhelmingly loved by those few people who stick by you, never doubt you, believe you, and know who you are. Love, in fact, is the only thing that gets you through; the only thing keeping you alive. Imagine that. Every single day. For years. 7 years. Fighting for your life. Watching others pass away from what you have. Watching everyone else who are perfectly healthy, live their life, doing all the things you long to do. That’s been my reality for a long time. I’ve tried my very best to handle it with grace, strength, and kindness. I just want people who know me, who silently observe or even judge my journey, to try for one moment to imagine yourself in my shoes. Nothing you could imagine comes close to the actual reality, but if you tried to imagine it, maybe then you’d feel more inclined to raise awareness and show more support because it could’ve just as easily been you. I can’t wait for this hell to be over and I’ll never stop fighting to get my life back. I feel lucky to have the opportunity to heal with stem cells. I hope to be one of the people who make it out the other side. I’ll never stop fighting for people who suffer through this. Until I’m more able to do so, I’ll continue to heal and do what I can without hindering my healing. But seriously, take a moment and think about it…

Advertisements

Lyme treatment at Infusio VLOGS.

Day one VLOG

Part One–Days 2-5  VLOG

Part Two– Days 6-10 +Update

Updates and recovery journey on Facebook:

Hope for Lyme and M.E.

Infusio website:

Infusio.org

Infusio facebook page:

https://www.facebook.com/InfusioBeverlyHills/

Infusio Lyme Treatment Brochure:

Integrative Lyme Disease Program